Needing to know can turn us into desperate people. In his latest article for freelancers, Ande Schurr argues that comfort with the unknown will improve the way you deal with business relationships.

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The biggest turn off in a relationship is a clingy person. Someone who just needs you too much. Who has to know ‘do you love me’, ‘what do you mean to me’, ‘will you stay for long with me - even forever’. Who’s tone is a little bit desperate and needy rather than assured, confident, fun and with a healthy kind of vulnerability that loves and is trying to be open minded without fearing what they’ll get back.

It’s a big energy sucker when one person in a relationship is like this, it can’t possibly last.

It’s an extreme analogy perhaps but I think we need to look at ourselves to see if we have this kind of neediness in our freelancing relationships. Do you wish you knew what your future will be in this industry? Will I get more business from this client, or any client? Will I get that big job? What do they think of me? Will I ever become financially comfortable or free?

This needing to know kills us. It makes us tense, nervous and uneasy instead of strong in character and free to feel what we feel.

We decided to be freelancers because we believed we could control our future. We certainly can. We control the future not by setting goals and fulfilling them, but by being comfortable with the uncertainty of the future. It’s a kind of confidence that says ‘whatever happens, I will find a way to the other side’. Whatever that ‘other side’ is, remains an individual understanding, be it a position of affluence, influence, or personal contentment.

Can we say ‘goodbye’ to a client after a job and not need to know if we’ll ever see them again? Can we give them a gift in appreciation for the work they gave us and have no such thought about whether it gets us another job? Do we have to know whether they think we did a good job?

This need to know drives us crazy. What if we were comfortable simply not knowing.

What did life bring us today? Some work, some contacts, some new problems and some solutions to past problems. Good, I will work on these things and be ready in time to take on what tomorrow lands me.

We have to learn to make decisions. We can’t hide behind indecision when a whole film crew is waiting on our opinion. Did it sound good? Can we move on? Just give me a straight answer. Indecision is without doubt the biggest killer of personality and progress.

The daily news plays on the fact that we have to know what’s going on. Apart from those things we need for our lives (house prices, currency/stocks, weather, relevant business, activities or community news) do we need to know everything about the murders that were committed that day or the car accidents or the latest political funk?

I have embarked on the journey to be comfortable not to have to know.  It may take a while to get really comfy with it but as long as my business is in order, I’m not hiding behind indecision, and I’m just moving forwards with my life, then I have no reason to fear the future. The unknown is not to be feared. It’s to be welcomed.

In India, where I was traveling in January-February this year, I learned that sudden events are met with appropriately rapid responses. There was no indecision when a local at a little village in the state of Gujarat realised that a western tourist was visiting. Within 1 hour of making a phone call, his 6 expat Indian friends, now all in big business in the UK but were visiting their home town over the holidays, descended upon the house I was visiting, bringing whisky and snacks. There was no hesitation. It seemed like their mindset was: The future just brought in a guest, we are free right now, let’s go meet him and enjoy some conversation.

I won’t forget their kindness. Let’s respond to the new and unknown things that come our way, with equal decisiveness and comfort.